Buy the sky and sell the sky…
One of my colleagues and friends happens to be from my hometown. Betsy is much younger than I am but she visits Empire Falls fairly regularly. Small towns being what they are, she hears the news whenever she visits. Rachael, another colleague of mine, called me the other day and said she had been talking with Betsy, who during her most recent visit to Empire Falls had heard from parties completely outside of my circle or my sister’s circle that I was engaged in a sex change. This means, of course, that everyone in my hometown knows–which is fine with me, by the way.
Rachael, being curious, asked Betsy about the Empire Falls’ general reaction, wondering if it would be judgmental or skeptical, and Betsy said it was all live and let live and perhaps even supportive. Rachael, who was telling me this on the phone, said that she and Betsy had a theory about it all. I thought it was going to be something like “Small town people are live-and-let-live,” or “Society is changing,” or “People have an incredible capacity for compassion.” Instead, their theory is that if you have enough money, no one cares what you do.
It’s been a long time since I lived in Empire Falls. My parents have been dead a while. My grandparents are long dead. Yes, we had a family of some means and some influence and maybe that counts for something. Maybe it counts for a lot. It doesn’t mean that you’re exempt from pain or suffering, like Richard Corey, but maybe it means you get a bit of a break for catastrophic or unusual events.
But what bugs me is what this observation of Rachael’s and Betsy’s means:
My acceptance has nothing to do with being a nice person or a good student or a fellow human being or a persuasive communicator or helpful neighbor or a good family member, but it’s just a case of that well-to-do ranch boy gone eccentric and, well, you really can’t tell about those eccentric rich folks, can you?
I’ll take acceptance in whatever form it takes, of course, but this idea bothers me. I can’t help but extend this idea beyond my hometown, because if the theory is true, it suggests to me that not only is all of my hometown acceptance dependent on money, but so is all of my family acceptance, and my friends’ acceptance, and my colleagues’ acceptance, and even your acceptance, dear reader. All of it is just something I’ve bought.
If anyone understands and accepts, they have done so in spite of my bribery.
If I had known a couple of years ago that transsexual transition was only a matter of buying people off, I wouldn’t have worried myself sick for 2 years, wouldn’t have sat at the edge of the bed with a pistol thinking of suicide, wouldn’t have obsessed about the welfare of Mary Jo or my kids or my friends, wouldn’t have begged any deity or other power there might be to show me the way out of this dilemma.
I would have just whipped out my checkbook.
May 16, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I didn’t know you were moneyed and I liked you a lot anyway.
I think of several attractive qualities that transcend sex changing that you embody boyly or girly, manly or womanly: funny, smart, witty, social, playful, curious, fashionably inclined, ever so literate and articulate.
So add those to your value mix and yes, you can send me a check, make it out to Henry:-)
May 16, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Of course, I’m not from your home town, I’m from Miami.
You are on the right path for you and it sounds like for your family. It’s those family folks who count, the closest ones.
If you have money to make the changes smoother, that’s a good thing. People always are jealous of money because it buys quantities and qualities of things they want. All women need money to make solid fashion statements about who we are. We invest in as you call ‘em sonnets of fashion. Some of us do it at your Goodwill and some of us do it at your Neiman’s.
I love the green dress and hat by the way. Even I would have trouble coming up with a place to wear it too.
Plein aire opera?
Polo match?
Proust reading in the Bois de Boulogne?
Diversify your shopping too. Don’t count on the female version of the guy who you liked to be the right fit. She sounds like she has come very cute stuff but keep shopping around.
Good Luck!
May 17, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Interesting issues here: I can see the temptation of the slippery slope, to take the hometown reaction (assuming Rachel and Betsy’s theory is true) as explaining everyone’s reaction. Class is a powerful force, even on the plains that (I have always assumed) nourished your libertarian instincts. So why wouldn’t it have a big influence on the way your hometown sees your neighborly/studently/childhood/adult behaviors?
You’ve moved around a lot: many of your Bedford Falls friends (of whom I count myself part in some ways, although I’d also count myself among your friends-in-the-profession) have come to know you as an adult outside your hometown. People from your hometown might look at you and see signs of the child-of-prominent-family, but many of us would miss them. So one problem with the slippery slope you run is that tons of people in your life today haven’t a clue about some pretty big elements of your past.
Money might well help, in some respects (a lot of your posts about clothing reflect choices you’re able to make because of a certain level of economic security). That society is changing helps. That small towns can support people they love helps. There are so many possible motivation….in between sentences here Eileen and I are having a conversation about whether there’s any research about the factors that influence attitudes toward transgender people.
For me, my reaction to your e-mail was simply an instantaneous and irrational smile that formed before I had words in my head to explain it. But I realize plenty of other people’s reactions (to you in particular as well as other people in the world reacting to transgender issues generally and other coming out stories) aren’t completely formed one way or other other and all of us may have attitudes evolve over time. (As may your hometown’s reaction, which might start with the class filter and move on to other things over time.)
So interesting stuff here: I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon, and came back to comment this evening. And Eileen sends her love.