Mary and I were talking yesterday, and it was my first visit to Chuck after a layoff due to my academic duties. I was telling him (and Mary Jo) that while I feel good, I also feel quite conflicted, almost to the point of despair. While I may not have a secret, I still have a horrible dilemma.

Mary was saying that I’ve been terribly grumpy this past 6 weeks, and hypothesizes that it is the hormones. I don’t really feel much different; in fact, I feel better. But upon discussion, I think it’s the case that I feel horribly trapped and torn between two desires, one selfish and personal, and the other duty-bound and social. I honestly don’t know what I can do about it.