What does it mean when you find yourself feeling just great, as I do today? Ordinarily, I don’t think this should cause anyone any difficulty, since feeling great is something to be desired, right?

But here’s my problem, and it’s entirely a problem of my own over-analyzing brain, I’m sure. Here I am, sailing along on hormones, making progress on my beard removal, doing great in therapy, writing almost every day, being productive, having the most amazing conversations with my wife that I’ve ever had, and feeling about as good as I’ve felt in years.

What’s wrong with that? Nothing’s wrong with this state of affairs. It’s just about perfect. And that’s exactly my point.

Guess what’s in the works for X number of weeks from now, just lurking in the bushes to upset this perfection? Yep, you guessed it. I’m going to overturn everything by telling people that I’m transsexual. That good feeling will evaporate and life will get hard again.

I feel as if I’m in this Indian Summer period of things, and I don’t want it to end. I like the warm late autumn days and the strolls and leaving my sweaters in the closet, if only for a few more weeks. Everyone knows winter is around the corner, but why rush to it? It’s cold and harsh and requires a lot of adjustments, and right now, in this perfect moment at end of autumn, everything feels wonderful. I’m afraid of this upcoming winter — forecast to be especially difficult — and maybe if I just forget about seasons and gender and pretend like I’m not on a journey and that time doesn’t pass, but that I’m simply standing in one place, frozen in time and enjoying the moment, maybe winter will never come.