After being scolded by my friends on MyHusbandBetty and directly via blog readership for having left the discussion where it stood yesterday and for having framed my situation as a secret, I talked to the boys again tonight.

My main observation is this, and I had not known this or realized it earlier: It’s a lot easier for me to talk to them separately than together. Maybe it feels like I’m going to get tag-teamed if it’s both of them?

Ezra has a fever, which is probably why he couldn’t sleep last night and crawled in bed with us. His throat started hurting today at school, and he was in one of those lethargic moods this evening. I left Lane doing his homework downstairs and took Ezra upstairs to tuck him in. I asked him if the reason he couldn’t sleep last night was because of what we talked about on the trampoline yesterday, and he said no. I said, “well, it used to be my secret, but what I should have said is that I have learned to tell people about those things, including Mom, and that makes me feel better. So it’s really not a secret at all, and you can talk about it or ask me about it.”

He said it was ok and he wasn’t worried. We talked a while longer, then I tucked him in and left him to read.

Downstairs, I repeated the same discussion with the older one, Lane, when we had finished his division and multiplication homework. He said it was ok and that he hadn’t been worried about it.

Of course, it doesn’t mean that they both don’t have problems with what I’ve told them so far, but I don’t think it’s a disaster right now. 1. They know it’s important to me because I said it was and I have brought it up twice. 2. They know Mom’s ok with it and they can ask her and me questions. 3. They know I care what they think and feel.

PS — Mary Jo just got home and told me that she also talked to the boys this afternoon about my true self, so that’s three messages in 24 hours.

Dear readers, I am sure I’m making many missteps, but we have a terrific relationship and I really have to pick my way through this disclosure based on how things are going at the time. I’m unsure about the techniques and outcomes of so much of this transition (particularly the interpersonal parts), lacking a manual or a standard operating procedure on how to do it, and I’m also unsure about my own objectivity — still, all I have are my gut feelings about how it’s going, and in the absence of hard data, it’s the best I’ve got.