Suffice to say that today, I think I look a lot like the actor Ray Liotta, certainly more than George Bailey or Joyce Bailey. While the color in my eyes is fading really fast, the swelling in my chin and lips is continuing to grow, and is likely to peak today, according to Dr. Spiegel’s office.


The entire series of photographs will be posted later in the week, but since some of my photography is on one camera, some is on Mary Jo’s cell phone, and the rest is on my cell phone, it’s hard to get them all together.

Mary Jo and I had coffee this morning while she packed in order to get back to our kids and our spread in Bedford Falls.

I expected to feel good and fine with her departure, but I found myself feeling quite sad, not just feeling sorry for myself for being in pain (although I’m sure part of it comes from here) but also feeling that she’s going home to set the tone for the boys and to set up the second half of her life. I had these thoughts all night, and grew quite distressed by the 3:00 a.m. I was pretty surprised by how frightened I got, but I was also pleased that I didn’t freak out, and managed to cool off and get some sleep eventually.

What’s important to note (for me, at least) is that this FFS clearly taps into some deep fears and aspirations that I hold. I’m perplexed by how excited I can be that I’m finally jettisoning my GID and getting on with my life as Joyce while simultaneously being filled with fears that Mary Jo will leave me because of my permanent changes. Maybe both things are happening, either in reality or symbolically, and my mind is easily filled with new thoughts.

It’s probably also that I’m on Percocet for the pain and I’m stuck in a stupid hotel room in Boston, too bruised and feeling too bad to go out walking, watching the worst collection of cable channels of all time, and generally going stir crazy.