Just what do I seek from my upcoming trip to Trinidad? It’s a harder question than you’d think because I’m still grappling with just what this surgery is.

I know what it ISN’T, though. It’s not something critical for my survival (like so many TS’s report they feel). I’m transitioned already — psychologically, hormonally, legally, personally, and socially — and it’s hard to imagine being any more real and good than I feel right now. I’m going into this surgery kind of perplexed, but excited, and I have no idea what it’s going to be like.

I guess the main thing is that I don’t see it as a huge, life-changing thing. Maybe I’m wrong about that and I’ll find some incredible, new level of “Joyceness” after its all over, and if that’s what happens, then I figure it’s gravy on top of everything else. But if the surgery turns out to feel like some other layer of cosmetic surgery that makes me feel a bit more “unified,” and nothing more, I’m OK with that, too.