In a very funny and somewhat ironic turn of events, I have been having hot flashes. At least that’s what I think they are — my body gets flushed at random times, and the heat seems to be boiling up from my core, radiating out to my head, torso, and limbs like an insidious fever, building to a sweaty meltdown that lasts 3-5 minutes.

Maybe I don’t have any say in the matter of my life’s trajectory. After all, I was the one who upset the balance in the first place, so maybe this is just hormonal karma. However, I hope this trend settles down because, frankly, I’m not interested in going from man to young woman to menopausal woman all in the span of 3 years. It would be nice to enjoy a span of a few years of relative stability.