I received this email invitation in my Facebook account the other day, and was reminded of a couple of previous incidents, one with Mara Keisling and one with my local newspaper. I think things are different now, but despite the benefits to the trans*community, I still think family has to come first. Selfish? Overly protective? Maybe.

Hi Joyce,

I’m working for a production company that is producing a documentary for PBS about being an out LGBTQ person in America. It’s going to be a 1-hour national PBS documentary event that will share a layered collection of powerful, compelling and poignant stories of LGBTQ Americans and their families. We’ll be interviewing some celebrities along with typical (and not so typical) Americans who fall along the spectrum. Your story came to mind and I was wondering whether you were interested or comfortable with sharing your story?

The production team has done Emmy Award winning work: check out the link below to learn more about their films and the team I’m working with.

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

My response:

I’m going to have to think about this and confer with my wife. What do you think the odds are of getting any air-time? How specific would the documentary be regarding my workplace, etc? I ask not because of myself, but because Mary Jo and I agreed we’d keep the trans* stuff low-key for a few years for the sake of the kids, who are in Junior High right now. Once they’re out of high school in 5 years, then publicity would be much less of an issue.

Her response:

I think the odds are high for on-air time if you agree to being interviewed and are comfortable sharing your story. I completely understand the decision to be low-key, but we are definitely looking to profile a handful of dynamic individuals who are living extraordinary lives. We’re looking for people who are comfortable discussing their experiences, so again, the chances are high that we’d be looking to discuss workplace/family issues. Up to you, really, and again, completely understandable if this type of thing is a little to “close to home” as far as your desire to maintain the privacy of your family, etc. Not sure when we’ll actually begin filming, but PBS has rolled out a bit of funding and we’re in development right now — I honestly think that you represent ad really key and interesting part of the LGBT community and so you immediately popped into mind when I thought about people I’d like to see represented in this piece. Think about it, and if you’d like to speak further to one of our Senior Producers about further details and possibility of involvement, you can email the producer at xxxx@xxx.xx.

My response:

As much as I’d love to do this, and as much as I agree with you about being a good example of a successful transsexual with a healthy job and family and social life, my hunch is that it’s simply not the right thing to do for my family at this time. I feel a bit selfish as I write this — I realize that I have all sorts of privilege that allows me to say no to you and to put on blinders regarding other trans people who might benefit from seeing the documentary, but I have to go with my gut feeling that it’s unwise to introduce media into a family that has worked through a lot of issues, but that still has far to go, including two boys entering puberty.

I remain happy to help your production company with background material and with other interesting ideas. For example, my local PFLAG chapter has a very progressive approach to trans people in addition to its historically activist stance around parents and friends of lesbian and gay family members. If you ever do a documentary about PFLAG or about supporting diversity in the Bible Belt, our chapter would be a great place to start.

In any event, please accept my apologies and convey my regrets to your producer.

Joyce